Tainted
by Singing Daisy
Summary: The fourth story in my "Lizzie's Journals" series. Lizzie can't stand the thought of being in school, so she skips, and comes out of the day with many discoveries about herself. (sequel to So Broken, and it makes more sense if you read that first).


A/N: Okay, so far these are the votes:

Stay as small stories: 4

One big story: 3

Ooo, and it's a close race! But for now, I'll keep them as little stories, because it's the majority. However, keep your votes and reviews hint hint coming.

Stormyrose: Sure, you can use my fic. I don't really care, as long as I get credit in some way shape or form, lol.

To all my other reviewers, THANKS A MILLION! You have no idea how much I love hearing from you. Thanks so much!!

* * *

Every day I spent in school over the next few weeks was terrifying. Looking around at my friends and wondering which one of them had been hurt by the anonymous teacher made my skin crawl and tears spring to my eyes. I was often excused from class for bursting into spontanious sobs, and many of my teachers asked me to stay after class so they could ask what was wrong. I only stayed after for the female teachers, though, afraid what a male would do to me if I was alone with them.  
  
Dickie caught up to me in the hallway after one such outburst. I tried to ignore his calls, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me off to the side.  
  
"Lizzie, something's up with you," he observed. I shrugged.  
  
"And what might that be?"  
  
"Crying in class? Running out of the room? I'm not stupid, Liz, I know when something's wrong with my only sister."  
  
"Dickie, you have _three_ sisters," I pointed out, and he sighed.  
  
"I meant the only one that counts," he said with a mischevious grin. I smiled in spite of my self. "You gonna be okay, L?"  
  
"Fine, D," I lied. "Fine."  
  
One morning as I walked to our bus stop a few streets down from our house, Dickie gave me a strange look.  
  
"It's something at school, isn't it?" he asked, and for a second I didn't know what he was talking about. "Something at school's making you act so weird. What is it? Who is it? You want me to beat them up?"  
  
I considered telling my brother everything, but I didn't want to pull him down to my level. Now I knew how my father felt when he tried to keep his family away from his world. I didn't want Dickie to know what was going on. I didn't want him to become tainted... like I was.  
  
"It is something at school... but I don't want to talk about it, okay?" I told him. He nodded, turned away, and gave me a sideways grin.  
  
"If you wanted to skip... I'd understand," he said, and I knew it was his way of saying he'd cover for me. At first, I was reluctant not to go to school. That would mean this guy, this child molester, whoever he was, had won. _But he's_ _already_ _won_, I reminded myself. _He's already taken away my sanity. My self-control. He won a long time ago_.  
  
"Thanks, D," I said, after a few moments of contemplation. "I think I'll take you up on that."  
  
Dickie grinned and gave me some highly detailed directions on how to skip and not get caught. Part of me wondered how he knew so much, but I didn't press it. Before the bus rounded the corner, I dashed off and hid in some bushes. I could see Dickie grinning at me from his seat on the bus, and somehow I knew that everything would be fine.  
  
I ran down the sidewalk, finding the next payphone. Using my lunch money, I called the school. A nasally woman answered.  
  
"New Bridgeport school district, how may I help you?"  
  
I used a strange voice that I thought sounded like my mother with a headcold. "Yes, I'd like to call my daughter, Elizabeth Stabler off school, please? She and I both caught some sort of cold, and she should be out for a couple of days."  
  
"What grade is she in?" the woman asked, and I answered all of her questions, amazed that Dickie's plan was working. When I hung up I breathed a sigh of relief, and wondered where I was supposed to go.  
  
At first, I wandered, catching a bus here and there, riding around until I felt like the bus driver was watching me too closely, and got off. I'd then walk until I got to the next bus stop and climb aboard, all the time thinking way to much, and breathing way too fast. My mind flitted form where I was going to how long I would be there, to whether or not I'd go home. I'd never considered running away before, but right now... it all felt so hopeless. I hated this city. I hated the people in it. And for some reason... I hated my father.  
  
I hated him for the first time in my life for taking the job he did. I hated him for telling me what was going on, even though I knew I had been the one to push him to it. I hated him for always being at work and not being home enough to protect me. I hated him for having dragged me into this world of his, because even if he hadn't wanted me in it, the fact that he dealt with rape everyday, meant that _I_ dealt with rape every day. It meant that I was tainted, and I would always be tainted.  
  
I stepped off a bus and found myself at the front gates of Central Park. Not knowing exactly what I was doing, I wandered slowly through the park, taking random paths and turning at random times, as if I was trying to shake someone off of my trail. The park was like a maze that I was purposely trying to lose myself in. The trees seemed to call to me, and I wanted nothing more than to stay there and never leave, never have to go home.  
  
After a while, I wasn't sure how long exactly, I found myself outside of crime scene tape. _Fuck_, I thought, but restrained myself from saying it out loud. _Another victim. Another crime. Fuck this city_.  
  
I should have turned around and ran away, knowing that some of the police officers might know my father, or that one of them might be my father, but my feet wouldn't move. It was as if they were too leadened down by my sunken heart to do anything but stay rooted outside of the crime scene, waiting for me to be recognized. It was only a matter of time.  
  
"Lizzie? What are you doing here?" asked a voice that I knew only too well. I looked up from where I'd been staring at the ground to see Fin walking toward me urgently.  
  
"Oh. Hi, Fin." I couldn't keep the melanchally from my voice. He didn't seem to notice the change in my normally light-heart speech.  
  
"Did you skip school, Liz?" he whispered, as if not trying to draw attention to us, and I silently thanked him for it.  
  
"Something like that."  
  
"Jeez, kids are dumb sometimes," he muttered, and I gave a small smile. "Don't you know that the park is crawling with truant officers, right? I'm surprised your ass ain't been caught by now."  
  
"Is my dad here?" I asked, ignoring his warnings. I was surprised that I hand't been taken to school, also, but then again, most of the officers at the park were probably at the murder scene by now.  
  
"Shit, I forgot, he is," Fin whispered, looking around worriedly. "I should let your ass get caught, you know? I should let him come over here."  
  
I gave him a sad smile. "But your not going to, are you?"  
  
Fin's eyes narrowed and he gave a reluctant smile. "Naw, kiddo. I know if you skip school, you got a good reason. And after this case, I don't blame you..."  
  
My ears perked up. "What do you mean, Fin? What about this case?"  
  
"Nothing," he denied. "I souldn't have said anything. Now, unless you want your father to find you, you better getcha ass outta here..."  
  
But right then I didn't care if I got caught. "Fin, it was him again, wasn't it? That guy from my school, right? He killed somebody, didn't he?"  
  
"How the hell do you know that much about it?" Fin demanded.  
  
"My dad told me," I dismissed, with an abstract wave of my hand. "But he didn't just rape this one, he killed her, too, didn't he?"  
  
"Yes. I mean, no. I mean... I think you'd better go, now." He tried to push me away gently, but I resisted.  
  
"Just tell me who it was, Fin! Tell me!"  
  
He sighed, and let his arms swing down by his side in defeat. "Her name is Dawn Marninson. Did you know her?"  
  
"Yeah, she, uh, she was a friend. We called her Marney..." My voice drifted off, as I remembered the African American girl's ever present smile and ready-to-help attitude.  
  
"I'm sorry, Liz. Now, please. Just go, okay? You're dad's gonna kill me he find out I know you skipped and didn't tell him."  
  
"All right," I said, quietly, bowing my head. "I'll go."  
  
As I began walking away, I said a silent prayer for the girl that I knew, the victim that wasn't anonymous. This one had a face, and everytime I heard about a victim or a dead person, it would look like Marney. I felt so lost. Tainted. Tainted was the word that kept coming in to my thought patterns. This city was tainted. Those victims had been tainted by a nameless teacher that for some reason my father and the detectives hadn't been able to catch yet. Before I had gone two steps, I turned around, and called to Fin's retreating back.  
  
"Are you gonna catch him, Fin?"  
  
He turned around and gave me a grave smile. "We're gonna try."


End file.
